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20 June 2008

Okay, I skipped a week so here's a bonus of weekly jokes...

The wonders of digital editing (powerpoint - 700Kb) - watch this until the end!

You grew up in the Township, but since you started working at Nissan, water affairs, blue ribbon, gcis, minerals, education, etc, you bought a flat and suddenly the Township is dangerous and dirty.

You start every sentence by saying "The thing is..." with a very strange accent. You no longer wear All Star, you've opted for Diesel, Levi & "Uzzi". You dumped your long-time, round and cute high school sweetheart for a SKINNY CHICK (Motsetserepa ko PINELANDS). Or now u want a 'DARK, TALL GUY" driving a 'G-string'. KFC and Mc-Donald no longer do for lunch. You eat at exclusive restaurants (now you eat calamari & onion rings, chicken liver starters!

Hansa, Black Label and Castle, the ones you used to guzzle the most, are "urine" today. You drink Heineken and Windhoek. Today Shoprite is for the poor (most blacks buy there), you do your groceries at Woolworth's family stores. The music system and wheels of your car double the price of your car. Your car smells more than your chick's perfume.

Your old friend asks for only R5. You say he must come next month because you didn't budget for him, but you buy your chick Smirnoff Spin /Archers peach flavour daily. Your cell-phone costs more than your mother's bedroom suite! (true!!).

A friend without a cell and an e-mail address is not a true friend. Worse if he has no car.

Your old Kasie (township) friends must call before a visit to your flat. UNBELIEVABLE! At your flat you don't have a landline phone; you strictly use your cell. You call yourself a "bachelor", but you are married under the 'vat en sit' type of marriage. You only visit your parents telephonically but it's just an hour's drive to your home.
Suddenly, you "eat out". Why?

Smoking makes you slim!

Aids

A colored being baptized!

A coloured drunk man walking past a river sees a priest baptizing his people and decides to go for a baptism. The priest baptizes his people by dunking their heads into the water and asks, "Have you seen Jesus?"
The people respond "Yes, I've seen Jesus". When it was the drunkard's turn, the priest dunked his head into the water and pulled him out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?" He said no, so the priest put his head back into the water for a few more seconds and again asked "Have you seen Jesus?" The drunkard replied "No old man." Angrily, the priest dunked his head for a much longer time and pulled the drunkard's head out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?"  The drunkard replied, "Ek se my broe,........... are you sure he fell into  this river?"

snake

Mbeki Mugabe

Jy kan mos vlieg

 Meraai vang Gatiep met 'n los vrou in die bed. Sy gooi hom van die vierde verdieping af en skree: "Jou blêrrie insek! As jy kan steek dan kan jy vlieg ook!"

Gatiep se Voicemail

My bra, Gatiep is nie available nie. Los djhou naam en djhou nomma en ek stuur vir djhou a "please call me".

Gatiep innie skool

Juffrou vra vir Gatiep: "Jou ma het 4 aartappels, julle is 9 kinders, hoeveel aartappels gaan elkeen kry?" Gatiep: "My ma's nie 'n poepol nie, sy maak mash!"

Spat-are

Gatiepie: "Meraai! Mar djy het darem baie spatare op djou bene!" Meraai: "Nei, dit issie spatare nie, dit is net die wiring na my hotplate toe!"

Selle ou storie

Die Regter kyk vir Gammat in die oog en sê: "'Dis nou die sesde jaar na mekaar dat jy in my hof in die beskuldigdebank staan." "'Djou honour," sê Gammat, "djy moenie vir my kom blame omlat jy nie promotion kan kry nie."

Massa

Juffrou vra vir Gatiep om sinne te maak met "gewig" en " massa". Gatiep se antwoord: "My pa sê vir my ma, "Djy moet gewig veloer djou vetgat". My ma antwoord, "Djou massa moer!"


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Thanks Sammy, Andrew, Glen & JJ

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