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21 October 2009

This is an extremely old song by Jim Reeves (rest is soul) - now this is what Afrikaans sounds like when sung by an American! (MP3)

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Steve Hofmeyr invented pink. (thx Barry Stewart).

Chuck Norris once tried to overthrow the SA Government. But he failed; Steve shouted "Bloubulle!" in his face, Chuck got scared and went home to film Walker Texas Ranger

Steve is a keen lion hunter; he stares at the lions and they tranquilise themselves...

When Steve sang "maak die Bulle almal Bokke", that wasn't just a song. It was a direct threat towards the head of SARFU.

Bafana Bafana are guaranteed to win the World Cup next year. Steve will be the next coach. go check news24.com, it's true. Steve scared off Joel Santana back home and he'll bliksem the players until they score. They won't fight over money either, they're too scared to ask Steve for a cent...

Steve Hofmeyr doesn't need to blow a vuvuzela to be heard in a football stadium

Steve Hofmeyr murdered The Stig last year in anger after he test-drove his supercharged Tata bakkie and failed to do a 3-second quarter-mile

Remember Sonny Bono? He didn't really die by skiing into a tree. He merely bumped into Chuck Norris. The impact badly hurt him, but Chuck's beard actually skewered him to death. But the CIA covered it up in order to protect Chuck. It's must be true! Steve told me...

Oh, you know why SABC is in so much turmoil right now? Steve got fed up with the news people saying Tshwane instead of Pretoria so he used his connections to have them bankrupted...

And "Superman" Christopher Reeve never fell off a horse either, Chuck moered him stukkend for copying his act

We can't publish Steve's real e-mail address. Women, being curiously drawn to Steve's irresistable self, will mail him now for sure. The mere response she'll get "ja dis ek, fokof" will impregnate them.
One minute you send an e-mail, by tonight you'll be carrying Steve Junior! Be warned, he doesn't pay maintenance. He'll send Junior an autographed birthday card each year and you can auction it on eBay for R100,000...

The Soweto Uprising actually happened because the Government wanted to limit the amount of Steve songs that black people could listen to...

Steve assassinated HF Verwoerd...

When Steve dies, he wants to be known as Oom Steve, for his contribution to Afrikanerdom, just like "Oom" Paul Kruger. He'll have a state funeral and 2 weeks of mourning. No work for 2 weeks and 24/7 TV coverage, so make sure you rent some really good DVDs...

There are strikes in JHB today. No taxis. That's what they want you to believe... Steve is unleashing a reign of terror in JHB because the Bulls lost to the Lions on Saturday, and the taxi drivers are too scared to decline his orders

Rammstein are doing a cover of Steve's Pampoen! They decided to after meeting him and realising HE is the real Prince of Darkness.
Goes a bit like this... Sing deine Worten gegen mir fest, bring dein ganze Leben in einem Tasch, und nehm' den Zug nach Bloemfontein und den 506 nach Petrus Steyn...

Chuck Norris was so upset one day with a poor German review of Walker Texas Ranger, he travelled back in time 200 years and changed the entire German language, so that the Germans of today studying Goethe would never understand the old-German and thus be denied a culture...

The Americans didn't throw nuclear bombs on Hiroshima or Nagasaki. Chuck Norris was there on vacation and spat out some Sake

Chuck Norris has the antedote for HIV but he's not giving it to anyone. It's an evil plot to try and wipe out the "overly active" Steve Hofmeyr

Chuck and Steve have an agreement; Chuck runs America and Asia, Steve runs Africa, Europe and Oceania. If either one goes on to the other's turf, they a dead nigga...

Robert Mugabe tried to hire Chuck Norris to kung-fu kick all the white arse out of Zimbabwe. But Chuck declined and instead kicked Mugabe in the face, hence Bobby M can no longer grow a proper Hitler-moustache

Steve Hofmeyr ratted on Mark Thatcher in his failed bid to overthrow the Equitorial Guinea government, because he wants to do it himself next year. Their oil will be renamed "Pampoen Juice"

Did you hear Steve Hofmeyr is a queer? Because he's "Agter Elke Man". This is just part of the anti-Steve propaganda that Chuck has been employing in recent years...

It's not that Rugby isn't popular in America. Chuck Norris has had it banned over there, so that Steve has no reason to visit...

And Frans sent me this one - what a brilliant idea...

Only in South Africa  !!!
 
 
 What do you do when you travelling long distance and get tired?
 
 Stop, have a drink, set up two chairs, use the pump as a camera resting on the wine box, and pull over cars for speeding.
 
 And have a good laugh...........

trap

Loot

Thanks Matt & Frans

 

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