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Welcome to GPSA.

The Weekly update to life in post-apartheid South Africa.

You know you live in South Africa when ...

The main headline of the evening TV news is the opinion of an unemployed squatter who 'spik inglish' no good and 'dimunds' that the head of Anglo American resigns or faces the consequences.
The police advise you not to stop if they wave you down in the middle of the night, but rather speed past them and drive to your nearest police station.
People would rather be killed in their beds than live in some country where they would have to make them themselves.
You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.
The Student Union 'dimunds' that academic achievement shouldn't be a criterion for university acceptance, as it is discriminatory.
Landlords may not evict illegal squatters unless they offer them alternative accommodation.
Protest-marching strikers trash everything in their path and that's okay, but a peaceful gay rights march is condemned.
Post Office workers are videotaped opening the mail and stealing the contents, but the film may not be used in evidence because the workers were not informed that they were being filmed and filming is an intrusion on their privacy.
A government Minister is caught driving her car with a forged license, but the case is dropped for "lack of evidence".
A minister of religion who stole millions from overseas-donated funds for the oppressed, returns to the country to a hero's welcome and is officially welcomed by the government, represented by the Minister of Justice.
Government ministers meet with masked gang leaders to ask their advice on how to reduce crime and violence.
Scholars protest at the lack of schooling facilities by destroying school buildings.
Two tourist athletes are murdered in their beds and the President says it won't affect tourism.
The entire country sees a thug admit on TV news to murdering several people, but the police say they have no case.
Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
Your insurance is higher than the repayments on your car.
You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
People start joking about the crime rate.
The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported.
The police asks you for your attackers' details so they can go and arrest him/her.
You paint your car's registration number on the roof in large letters.
Afrikaans TV programmes are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans programme, and a Zulu advert.
Minister is fired and returns the government cell phone, but keeps the B-number-plated Bee-Em.
The currency takes a dive, and the previous government gets the blame.
Students from Vaal Driehoek Technikon 'dimund' that their debt is written off . . . At Pretoria Technikon.
A 45-year-old engineer is replaced by a 25-year-old who cannot write his own name.
The employees DANCE in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
10% of the city's population pays for everyone else's electricity and water supply, and get prosecuted if they refuse to pay.
A murderer gets a 2-year sentence and a pirate TV viewer a 6-month sentence.
The Constitutional Court declares the death sentence unconstitutional, but rules that abortion is okay.
The prisoners strike.
Crime actually DOES pay.
People are allowed to reclaim land (for free) that's been bought from their forefathers.
The government GIVES people houses, and they complain by setting fire to them.
You can't even go on a business trip to OZ without somebody asking knowingly: Oh, having a look around, are you?
You realise after watching the news on TV that nothing happened in the rest of the world.
They bring in the innovative idea of selling scratch cards to alleviate congestion in post office queues.
You are expected to carry a driver's licence that doesn't fit into your wallet.
You have to prove you don't need a loan to get one.
A shop clerk makes you feel as if he / she is doing you a favour by letting you buy from their shop.
The fact that there is an election and people are standing in line waiting to vote is more important than the result of the election.
The most popular vehicle is a 4X4 designed for driving in snow (the reason for this may be the vast amount of mid-summer snow that you see in all Christmas decorations).
You no longer request anything, you "DIMUND" it.
You know what "vowlence" is.
People tell you that they wouldn't live anywhere else because the weather is so bad over there.
A minibus taxi passes you, just to stop right in front of you.
Where the road narrows, the guy to the rear of you has right of way.