| Letters to the Ministry of Labour
The following are genuine extracts of
letters received by the MINISTRY OF LABOUR (SOUTH AFRICA) from people
enquiring after money on the grounds of hardship. They are exact copies
as they were received. Neither the wording nor the spelling has been altered.
1. I am glad to state that my husband
died yesterday. I will be glad if you get me a pension. If you don't hurry
up I will have to get public resistance.
2. I am enclosing my marriage certificate
with three children. One of then is a mistake as you can see when you
look into it. I am writing to say my youngest son is born two years old.
Why not getting allowances for it.
3. I am enclosing certificate with six
childran. One of them twins died. You asked if he is christened: yes he
was baptised on half a sheet of paper by a certain Captain in the Salvation
4. The man I live with won't work and
he wants to know if my husband is dead. Will you please search through
your records office for him and let me know.
5. In accordance with your Instructions
I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
6. I want money as badly as quisk as
you can send it. I have been in bed under the doctor for weeks and he
doesn't seem to be doing me any good. If things don't improve I shall
have another doctor.
7. Milk is needed for my baby. Father
is unable to supply it.
8. Re your dental enquiry, the teeth
at the top are still alright, but the ones in my bottom are hurting me
9. Please send me a form for cheap milk.I
have a baby 2 month old and did not know about it until the neighbor told
10. My son is unable to attend school.
He has had diarrhoea through a hole in his shoe.
These are actual letters sent by council
building dwellers (JOHANNESBURG):
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker
as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father
hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back
3. Their 18 year old son is continuously
banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing
from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other
night that blew them off.
5. The lavatory seat is cracked, where
do I stand?
6. I am writing on behalf of my sink
which is coming away from the wall.
7. Will you please send someone to mend
the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she
8. I request your permission to remove
my drawers in the kitchen.
9. Can you please tell me when the repairs
will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
10. I am still having trouble with smoke
in my built-in drawers.
11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot
bath the children until it is cleared.
12. Will you please send a man to look
at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half
and now it is in three pieces.
14. Would you please send a man to repair
my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
15. I want to complain about the farmer
across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting
16. The man next door has a large erection
in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have
two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around
to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs
flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made
by the man I have on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with clean tools
to finish the job and satisfy the wife.
20. I have had the Clerk of the Works
down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction.
21. We are getting married in September
and would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
22. This is to let you know that our
lavatory seat is broken and we can't get SABC2 (television station).
23. I try to take just one day at a time
but lately several days have atacked me at once!!