Welcome to GPSA.
The Weekly update to life in post-apartheid South Africa.
|16 October 2007|
With South Africa in the final against England this coming weekend and all the jokes I've received during the past couple of weeks, I've compiled some jokes here for your pleasure...(new jokes at the bottom of the page)
Q. What do you do for a drowning New Zealand Rugby player?
Q. What's the difference between the All blacks and an arsonist?
Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps?
Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in an All Black jersey?
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, 'Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered.'
A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.
Q. What do you have when the All Blacks are buried up to their necks in sand?
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead All Black player on the road?
Three rugby fans were on their way to a game when one fan noticed a
foot protruding from a clump of bushes on the side of the road. They all
stopped and discovered it was a nude female, drunk.
RUGBY WORLD CUP RULES
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 24 beers in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on. Oh, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12pm and 3pm, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
13. And finally, if you are female and your "man" likes rugby less than you, he is not a real man and shall be bound by these rules and additionally be referred to as "the bitch" for the duration of the World Cup
*Response to List of Rules (Read and print them)*
1. From 7 Sept to 20 October 2007, DO NOT complain about the lack of sex you will be receiving.
2. During the RugbyWorld Cup, the television is yours and the credit card is mine.
3. If you have to pass out in front of the TV don't expect a loving tap on the shoulder To remind you to stop drooling Oh and no blanket will be laid over you - enjoy the cold.
4. During the games I will not be around to listen to you screaming at the Television Set THE REF CANNOT HEAR YOU!
5. It would be a good idea for you to make friends with the maid as she is the only Women who will clean up after you and your friends (and that is only because she Is being paid - with your credit card)
6. Please, please, please!! If you see new clothes and shoes don't ask where they come from - wait for your credit card statement.
7. Thank you for the invite to watch a game with you but in reality I would rather chew my hand off - it would be far more entertaining.
8. I totally understand that you need to watch replays - your brain is little and needs time to absorb information.
9. No babies will be born but a lot of girls nights will be had - don't ask where I have been or with who.
10. Enjoy watching the game at your friends place on a Sunday - but do me a favour and see if you can watch every game there - it would make my life a lot more pleasant.
11. Please see #8
12.Dont threaten with divorce - I am immune to the expression - good luck finding someone to put up with you.
13. Do not complain about my new hairdo, nails, products etc. At least one of us cares about our appearance. I love my country but you are not the only man in it.
Thank you for your cooperation.
---------------------------------------------24 October 2007-----------------------------------------
The British rugby team on their way home...
England rugby practice was delayed for two hours this afternoon after a player reported finding a white powdery substance on the practice ground. Head coach Ashton immediately suspended practice while the police were called to investigate.
They put our children and wives in concentration camps
Plundered our farms and stole our animals to force us to give into them from hunger
They torched our houses and burnt our crops
IT'S PAYBACK TIME
Support from the UK
Go Bokke Go.....
A little girl was sitting in her classroom in England when her teacher walked in and started talking about how proud she is to be English and how wonderful it is to be an England supporter. The teacher then asked everyone who supported England to put up their hand. Every hand in the class besides one went up. This surprised the teacher and so she asked the little girl why her hand wasn't up.
"Well," said the little girl, "because I don't support England."
Even more surprised, the teacher asked her who she supported. "I support the Springboks", she replied. Now a bit irritated, the teacher asked the little girl why she supported the Springboks. "My mom supports the Springboks, and my dad supports the Springboks, so I support the Springboks." The teacher looked at the little girl and with a smirk asked: "Well, if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot, what would you be?"
The little girl looked up at her teacher, smiled and replied:"An England supporter!"
Thanks Linda, Glen, Pete, Sammy, Doris & Ivan.